Today

Today is a not go to work day. Today is a stay inside day. A day for philosophical ponderings and warm fuzzy socks. A day for a really good book and a big knitted blanket. Today is a day to write to my hearts content while looking at all the pretty flowers in my room. And, maybe get a few good sketches in. Today is a day to drink a big mug of lemongrass green tea in my Nightmare Before Christmas mug and listen to Classical music till I could burst. And maybe some Jazz mixed in for good measure.

Today is a day to treat myself to a few moments of silence.

Instead of doing such lovely said things I will be working. And probably spit-up on. Somedays I wonder how many diapers I've changed since I've been doing this. Somedays, I think to myself, "I've changed enough diapers, burped enough babies and listened to enough screaming to last myself a lifetime." And its makes me kind of sad. Sad that I may not want kids in the future because I'm so burnt out now.
I really feel older than I am. I feel like I've aged so much doing what I do. I feel as if working with kids drags the years out of you. So I can easily say that I do not feel a bubbling healthy twenty. I feel more of a dragging exhausted thirty. Not to say thats how thirty year olds feel, just me. I feel like my hair droops and my limbs hang. My arms feel heavy and my feet drag. I feel like my sking just hangs on my bones and I feel so tired. Like it hurts to try to pull the corners of my mouth up into even a small smile.
I'm tired of the complaining parents. I'm tired of their pursed lips and their eyes boring into me like I'm lying to them. I'm tired of the difficult parents, the oversensitive parents, the radical parents. I'm tired of parents in general.
And I'm tired of the babies. The babies that scream all the time because they want to be held all the time. The babies who spit-up half the bottle all over my pants. The babies that bite others. The babies that constantly whine. I'm just tired.

And.

I'm SO tired of the parents that think that I only have to care for their child. I wish they would look around and realize that I have seven other children to care for.

Thats seven other feeding schedules.
Seven other children to nap.
Seven other children to change diapers for.
Seven other children to entertain.

I guess I shouldn't complain too much. I do have a couple of really great parents who I am forever grateful for.

So today instead of reading a book and listening to Hayden or Tchaikovsky, I will be working.

And tomorrow? Well, tomorrow feels like a history channel kind of day. A big blanket, a mug of lemongrass green tea and a day filled with learning about wars and ancient civilizations. Mmmm, now that sounds like a great day.