Today

Today is a not go to work day. Today is a stay inside day. A day for philosophical ponderings and warm fuzzy socks. A day for a really good book and a big knitted blanket. Today is a day to write to my hearts content while looking at all the pretty flowers in my room. And, maybe get a few good sketches in. Today is a day to drink a big mug of lemongrass green tea in my Nightmare Before Christmas mug and listen to Classical music till I could burst. And maybe some Jazz mixed in for good measure.

Today is a day to treat myself to a few moments of silence.

Instead of doing such lovely said things I will be working. And probably spit-up on. Somedays I wonder how many diapers I've changed since I've been doing this. Somedays, I think to myself, "I've changed enough diapers, burped enough babies and listened to enough screaming to last myself a lifetime." And its makes me kind of sad. Sad that I may not want kids in the future because I'm so burnt out now.
I really feel older than I am. I feel like I've aged so much doing what I do. I feel as if working with kids drags the years out of you. So I can easily say that I do not feel a bubbling healthy twenty. I feel more of a dragging exhausted thirty. Not to say thats how thirty year olds feel, just me. I feel like my hair droops and my limbs hang. My arms feel heavy and my feet drag. I feel like my sking just hangs on my bones and I feel so tired. Like it hurts to try to pull the corners of my mouth up into even a small smile.
I'm tired of the complaining parents. I'm tired of their pursed lips and their eyes boring into me like I'm lying to them. I'm tired of the difficult parents, the oversensitive parents, the radical parents. I'm tired of parents in general.
And I'm tired of the babies. The babies that scream all the time because they want to be held all the time. The babies who spit-up half the bottle all over my pants. The babies that bite others. The babies that constantly whine. I'm just tired.

And.

I'm SO tired of the parents that think that I only have to care for their child. I wish they would look around and realize that I have seven other children to care for.

Thats seven other feeding schedules.
Seven other children to nap.
Seven other children to change diapers for.
Seven other children to entertain.

I guess I shouldn't complain too much. I do have a couple of really great parents who I am forever grateful for.

So today instead of reading a book and listening to Hayden or Tchaikovsky, I will be working.

And tomorrow? Well, tomorrow feels like a history channel kind of day. A big blanket, a mug of lemongrass green tea and a day filled with learning about wars and ancient civilizations. Mmmm, now that sounds like a great day.

Spirituality, Rosaries And Learning About Religion

So I start off today writing about something that caught my interest while reading. I just bought the book Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert and while reading it I came across a part in the book where she talked about how she started praying for the first time. Now I know it doesn’t seem odd right now but when she started to pray for the first time she was 31 years old, kneeling on her bathroom floor at about three in the morning. Gilbert talked about how she had never prayed before and it was new to her- talking to God. And it really interested me.

Why? Well because I do the same thing, kind of. Only I’ve prayed before. I’m Catholic, but not a devote Catholic. I don’t claim to be religious. I try to stay away from that. I think of myself as spiritual. And I like that. I don’t go to Church. I don’t go to mass. I don’t pray often. I say the rosary maybe once every two are three months, even though I have two rosaries. I swear like a trucker and use the lord’s name in vain.

But. I don’t think that I’m a bad person.

I treat others as I would want to be treated. I believe that you should always smile at everyone you meet because you never know what kind of battle they are going through. I hold doors open for everyone. I make sure I don’t litter. I put things back where I find them in the store. I always ask the cashier/waitress/sales clerk how his/her day was too. And I honestly want to know. I love my friends and I let them know that. I let the people I love and care about know how I feel. If there is someone new at work I try to make a point to be friendly and welcome them in because I know how it can feel coming into a new environment. I respect everyone’s ideas and opinions. And I never call anyone dumb (and mean it).

What does that have to do with praying? Well, when I quit the job I’m at now for another job I started praying like nobody’s business. I’m not going to use names of places for fear that I might get a bad letter of recommendation somewhere in the future. And to clarify I left the place I’m at now (place A) to go to another day care center (place B). I had a terrible time at place B so I went back to place A where I was at before, which is where I am now. I hope that makes sense. Anyways when I left place A to go to place B I thought that I was making a smart choice. I was fed up with all the drama and the ridiculousness of place A and wanted a more professional environment. I would have never left place A if I hadn’t been offered a job from place B. I, being the silly girl that I am, thought that it was fate. Of course I have to take the job I told myself. I’d be daft not to.

Well, it turns out that I was daft for taking the job. I can’t exactly explain why I disliked the job so much, because I myself haven’t come up with a good explanation yet. I loved my co-workers. Well, most of them. I do miss quite a few of them. I didn’t like the kids. They were terribly naughty. The structure wasn’t great. There were virtually no toys. The rooms were pretty bare. I didn’t like the way that snack was done. I didn’t like the set up of the room. I didn’t like the rules. Oh and I didn’t like that I got in trouble a lot. My boss hovered over me. And examined everything I did. And pointed every tiny thing that I did wrong out. For example; one day I was in the main building with the older kids and switched off the light to get the kids’ attention. My boss comes out from her office and yells at me to turn the light back on because I had it off for too long. I had the light off, no joke, for like 5 seconds. FIVE SECONDS! And she felt the need to walk out of her office to yell at me. And its not like she ever had private conversations. She ALWAYS talked to me about things in front of my coworkers. So I always looked incompetent. It drove me nuts.
I probably would have taken it if I had just started out there. But I’ve worked at two different day cares and both loved me. Not to say that place B didn’t love me. They gave me lots of compliments. But I couldn’t handle the criticism.

Now, the point of the story. It got so bad that I prayed. I prayed on my way to work, I prayed when I got off of work. I prayed at work. I prayed to God and Jesus and Mary to help me get through the day. I prayed and thanked them for helping me survive another day. I prayed to them at night and asked them to make tomorrow go by fast. It got to the point where I started bringing my rosary to work with me. I would sit in my car before I had to go in and just clutch my rosary and pray. And then I would slip it over my head, around my neck and tuck it underneath my shirt.

When I told one of my best friends that I was praying, they decided that maybe it was time for me to quit. So I made up some kind of excuse because I’m a wimp and couldn’t just flat out say I hated it and I quit.

It felt like a HUGE weight was lifted off my shoulders.

Total time at place B? Two Months. Felt like? Five Years.

Next step: Beg for old job back. And that’s what I did. Ok, well I didn’t beg. I called my old boss and asked her if they still had a position open for me. We had a long talk and she said that they’d love to have me back. I was forever grateful. The nice thing about place A was that even though I quit they were always great about it. They said that I shouldn’t hesitate to call if I ever needed anything. And boy did I need a favor after leaving place B.

I felt like I was back at home. The kids had missed me and I had missed them. The parents had missed me. My co-workers had missed me. And it was good to be back. Back to the familiar, to the structure, the bright colors, the mellow/dramatic/fun/intense/comical work environment. It really did feel great to be back.
I can’t say that I’m not frustrated now. Because I am. Things are kind of going to the drain as we speak. And its frustrating and everyone is upset. And me, being the mellow-dramatic person that I am, threaten to quit at least three times a day. Not to my boss of course. But to my co-workers when I’m on one of my rants.

But.

No matter how stressed I am… I haven’t prayed or pulled out my rosary.


I know some of you might find that offensive. And I’m sorry. I feel terrible that the only time I do seem to pray is when I’m in need or going through a difficult time. I feel like some kind of half-Catholic. Like I’m doing a disservice to me and the religion by acting this way.

I’m working on it though. I have my reservations about the religion. I’m still figuring out what I believe and what works for me. And well… I’ll keep you updated.

Last Moment Ponderings Before A Hectic Day

Happy Friday!

I think that today will be a good day. The sun is up and the skies are blue. There is a bit of a nip in the air hinting that Fall is on its way. And right now... life is good.

Today I wanted to send my thoughts and prayers out to those who are being affected by hurricane Ike. I hope that they can stay strong and hold on through this difficult time. I can't imagine having to go through such a thing.

A moment please...

I just wanted to take a moment to remember those lost in 9/11. My thoughts are with the victims' families.

Tuesday Afternoon

How can you say no to that face?

Yesterday afternoon was mellow. So I took that opportunity to take some pictures of my loves.

Beautiful Souls

Nie Nie’s blog inspired me to write something positive about my work. I know everyone may think that its crazy to think that there would be anything negative to write; but it can be stressful. As a daycare teacher you aren’t just handling one kid; you are handling up to 15 (depending on what age group you are working with).
I started thinking about how truly wonderful children are. They have such innocent, imaginativem beautiful souls. They have the funniest things to say, the most brilliant ideas and can work through problems with eachother without much fuss. Children do things from the heart. Mean what they say and always tell you how they feel. They have love and compassion for everyone and a curious mind. They are never afraid to ask, "why?" or to question something when it doesn't seem right. Here is to all children. I think we should all take a better look at them and learn from them.

So this morning while I was getting ready for work I remembered a story that always makes me smile and appreciate how truly wonderful children can be...

One of my little boys had just gotten his fingers smashed in the door. As I picked him up and cuddled him he grabbed my hand and noticed a hot pink Barbie band-aid at the tip of my finger.

“What happened teacher?” he asked.

“Oh, I just got an owie when I was in the kitchen.” I replied.

“Oh.” He said. And he seemed to think about it for a minute or two. Then he grabbed my finger and gave it a kiss with a smile and said, “All better.”

That right there melted my heart. Then he proceeded to tell me that he was going to go home and bring me back some of his pirate band-aids because those make everything better.
As stressful as my job may be with the screaming kids, unrealistic parents, unfinished art projects and jell-o days gone awry; sometimes you can’t help but be grateful that your day can be blessed with the most innocent, imaginative souls and minds on this planet.

So when everything is going wrong. When the washing machine is bubbling over and the toilet is over flowing and dinner is burning in the oven and the kids are drawing on the wall with magic marker; step back, breathe and remember that you only live once; make the best of it.

Cold Blue Skies, Warm Fuzzy Sweaters and Camera Batteries...

So Oregon has been having some wiggity-whack weather lately. But whats new? It starts out really cold in the morning and then gets wickedly hot by the afternoon. Well wickedly hot to an Oregonion at least.
All in all I'm ready for the Fall. I say bring it on. I miss the changing colors of the leaves. I miss the brisk cold air. I miss wearing long johns and sweaters, slippers and blankets. I even miss scraping the ice off my windshield at 6:30 in the morning.
And as we speak I'm boycotting the warm weather. Its about 9 am on a Tuesday morning and really cold outside. And I know that by the time it hits noon it will be shorts weather. But I am keeping my white cardigan on because I can. So take that mother nature. (Although I will probably be regretting this decision by mid-day).
While watching the Today show this morning they had a story about this mother who blogs and has been an inspiration to many. She and her husband were involved in a plane accident that has left them in the hospital with serious burn wounds. The segment was about the amount of love, prayers and attention this woman and her family were recieving from her community of fellow bloggers. I was intruiged so I went and looked up her blog. Let me just say I love it. Its so upbeat and witty. My heart and prayers go out to her and her family.
I encourage everyone to go read her blog. Its about the joys of motherhood and life in general. I think it really makes you take a second look at yourself and your own life and the things we take for granted. I will say there are a few things I disagree with (I'm a democrat and she's obviously not by some of the comments she's made). But it is definitely worth reading. Not to mention she's a fabulous photographer.
Check it out:
http://nieniedialogues.blogspot.com/


Have a wonderful day :)

Ciao!

So here is my attempt at voicing my opinion and reaching out to the world. I figured it was high time that I learned how to blog.

I guess I could start by updating whats new in my life. I have recently become addicted to camping. I feel like I should go every weekend. I also feel the need to try to drag everyone in my life into this little addiction. No one is really on-board for it. My best friend who would be camping every weekend with me is not available to because he's in the military. So I'm alone. And I'm kind of having a pity party with myself.

Work has been highly stressful. It has been making me seriously question whether I want children or not. And at this junction in my life its a big no. I know that I will probably change my mind when the time comes and I'm married. But for now I am thankful that the only person who is relying on me is my dog.

Which brings me to Deez. He's doing well, he's gaining a bit of weight because I haven't been walking him. But thats just another reason why I need to go camping more. Taking Deez camping with me will get him exercise and fresh air and I think that is what we both need. We can also do some 'soul searching' as my best friend likes to put it.

I am very excited for school to start. I was accepted into the Mental Health and Human Services program at my school and I am very excited about it. The program is wonderful and looked upon highly by universities and employers. I will let you know how the first day goes.